NATO Eats Biden Naps

NATO representatives attended the summit dinner, President Pants slept and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes, but where it’s goin’, nobody knows…

It had been an exhausting day for President Pants, leader of the free world. He retired for a pre-dinner nap and no sooner had he started pulling off his designer Steve Bell-Armani underpantsoverpants, he fell back onto the bed, ice-cream in hand and sank into a deep meditation as his super brain convened for its own private summit.

He likes his designer Steve Bell-Armanis because he can look down or in the mirror and be assured he’s remembered to be in them. He loves them so much he wears two pairs, though remains confused as to why a single item of underwear is described as a pair; as we all are Joe. The underpantsoverfacepants keep his lower jaw up and remind everyone of his fearless stance in being fully muzzled while fighting covid1984. Then, a mask kept the virus particles out. Now, it keeps CO2 particles in. Affectionally known as the Big Guy in private email circulars, he claims the Steve Bell-Armanis covering his face keep his carbon footprint to an optimum low by limiting the normal out breath of carbon dioxide to a minimum. Joe proudly states, “C’mon man! Net zero face pants! Biden’s breed genii!”
Some quietly express amazement that Joe knows the plural of genius.

Sure, everyone thinks it a bit quirky, wearing underpants over your pants, but Sleepy Joe’s response is robust, “C’mon man! Quirky’s part of my charm. They love my quickinessirky. 81, 283, 501 votes say so; the most votes ever cast for a candidate in a U.S. presidential election. The numbers don’t lie.”
Some are quietly even more amazed that Joe can recall any figure, let alone such a precise one. There are salacious mutterings that he likes to be able to sniff his own 24/7, but that’s been dismissed as vile disinformation spread by Russia. We assume the numbers don’t lie, for fear of being incarcerated for 06 Jan crimes like the Jan 6th Shaman and for goodness sake, let’s not mention Ashli Babbitt.

The intercom rang, clicked into open speaker mode and a voice reminded the President of his pending NATO summit dinner. But, President Pants was in a deep transcendental meditative state of contemplation whereby his sub-conscious would provide the conscious Joe the means and wherewithal to set forth, firmly and steadfastly the strategy of a leader committed, as long as it takes to the last Ukrainian, to instill and inspire consummate confidence in all his people.

NATO? Dinner? Pass. After all, he had ice-cream and the big question echoing around within the Biden brain was…. did he prefer chocolate or caramel?

So, as the Nick Lowe song goes, and so it goes, but where it’s goin’, nobody knows. Well, apart from Joe’s super brain of course.

References for fact-checkers:

Sleepy Joe! Biden, 80, SKIPS dinner with NATO leaders and goes straight to his hotel – after bragging to Turkey’s Erdogan that he will win White House again in 2024
No ‘Sleepy Joe’: Biden read from notecards at NATO summit | Fact check


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