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In the Magic Kingdom.

July 05, 2023: Information Clearing House Isn’t it just peachy, living in the Magic Kingdom?  I mean, aren’t you thrilled and gratified to be entertained by your government with pleasant and often exciting fantasies, instead of having to be oppressed with ugly and disturbing facts?  Isn’t it wonderfully calming to enjoy constant relief of conscience and stress through a dependable stream of jolly, uplifting tales rather than to have your emotional core attacked and threatened by dismal truth?

To provide you with this service your government has adopted Disneyfication as its new operating principle.  Sure, it’s always put a heroic polish on whatever noble action it takes—Iraq, Syria, Afghanistan, nothing new in that—and it has pampered your ego by affirming your Exceptional status as a people; as a kind of Master Race, really.  It has labored for generations to keep you from being exposed to brutal, actual information that could upset you, or disturb your inner Wa.  Just going back to Vietnam days you can trace the intensification of this effort to keep you from having to absorb facts that might impair your self-regard.  

Having had their trust betrayed by disloyal reporters in that noble pacification, they “embedded” the latest ones under military supervision in Iraq to prevent you from having to see and be hurt by nasty Wikileaks propaganda such as the “Collateral Murder” videos.  Why should you be subjected to such unpleasantness?

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This salutary conceptual prophylaxis devised by our empathetic governing powers has entailed constant, diligent efforts to ensure that events such as, for example, the mass attitude adjustment required of the villagers of My Lai, the behavioral modification of the headstrong sects of Fallujah, or the even-handed doctrinal discipline administered to miscreants in the Abu Ghraib detention center, are not misrepresented and utilized by evildoers in such a way as to inflict serious pain on your collective psyches. 

America’s guarding of its clear, limpid stream of pure information was unimpaired in its therapeutic effect until recently, when a villainous pattern of vicious assaults on their policy of guided veracity intensified, led by dark entities who wish us ill.   Sad to relate—though we have been assured for years by high officials that most of these despicable attacks were from the usual nefarious source—Russia and demonic dictator, Putin—it has become clear that we harbor in our very bosom, malevolent traitors eager to erode the protective integument that has kept our consciences untroubled so well for so long.  Yes, there are those among us who would strip us of our emotional defenses and expose us to a frightening factual world view.

This odious assault on our protective cognitive shield prompted our government to go Full Disney.  The idea is this: Disney magic defeats all unpleasantness by addressing it with a light-hearted, spontaneous insouciance that overcomes all pernicious negative vibes.  It is so irrepressibly, effervescently positive that dark, grim facts are powerless against it.  In the full knowledge of this our government has begun utilizing that Disney spirit through classic melodies in the battle against dangerous negative thinking. 

In this spirit, “Zip-e-de-doodah”, a peppy, invincibly affirmative tune, was chosen as the Anthem of the Biden administration in its amicable nation-building, installing happy, friendly regimes such as those of Guaido and Bolsonaro, who eliminate base envy and rage toward paternal elites.  Rest assured that, in Venezuela, Bolivia and Peru, plenty of sunshine is going their way.

The critical importance of always maintaining a cheerful outlook has not been forgotten in regard to the recent disturbances in Ukraine, either, where our government is using the enticing promise of the dulcet melody, “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes”, to frame its positive policy there.  It is said to have become a favorite theme of what remains of the Azov Battalion and Right Sektor, and a real inspiration in their Spring Offensive.

Quite recently there was nearly a civil war in Russia when a certain fat, middle-aged, billionaire mercenary honcho rebelled against his master, Putin.  Many feel his daring coup attempt was in response to continual broadcasting by American intelligence agencies of that wonderfully uplifting appeal to hope entitled, “Someday, My Prince Will Come”, in the War Zone.  Although the predicted civil war did not result, America was heartened that the threat of it persisted for a full twenty-four hours, enough to shake the throne and threaten the overthrow of the deranged despot.

Elsewhere, our government’s aggressive challenge to the world’s second Hitler clone dictator—Biden called him one, just the other day—the odious Xi of greedy, perfidious China, is now being pursued with vigor to the accompaniment of that glorious, lyrical summons to deep faith, “When You Wish Upon A Star”.  We can feel confident that our impressive diplomatic team will have that song on their lips as they labor to replace that monster.


And we haven’t forgotten our chief domestic downer, surely this time to be in convict stripes, that Russian lackey, Trump.  Against him our government has deployed the monitory “Never Smile At A Crocodile”, which should keep him from attempting another fraudulent takeover of our sanctified democratic nation.

And though things are perhaps not quite as wonderful as they might be for working Americans, we can rejoice that the super-wealthy have more money than ever, pay almost no taxes, and chump change to Social Security, which just supports slackers and deadbeats, anyway, while buying back each others stocks to drive their profits ever higher.  Just so no untoward thoughts arise among Hoi Polloi, our vigilant government plays an endless loop of “A Spoonful of Sugar Makes the Medicine Go Down” for them, so all is just dandy in this Happiest Kingdom on Earth.



One Response to “In the Magic Kingdom.”

  1. danceaway says:

    Excellent. Beautifully written. Comprehensive and clever.