How I hope to survive the NHS’s latest attempt to kill me

Having massively increased the risk of strokes and heart attacks among the gullible millions who trusted the Government, the queen and various ignorant celebrities, and allowed themselves to be jabbed with a toxic pseudo-vaccine that did far more harm than good, the NHS can no longer cope with the number of patients who have had strokes and heart attacks.

Gosh, I am shocked. Shocked to the core, I tell you.

By Dr. Vernon Coleman

So, the NHS has found a crafty way around its problem.

It has downgraded strokes and heart attacks, and in future, they will be treated in the same category as headaches.

More shock and horror.

And NHS England is now asking telephonists and ambulance crews to ignore these patients and to tell them that they will receive a phone call instead of an ambulance. (I wonder how long it will be before the waiting time for the phone call is measured in days rather than hours.)

Many will remember TV ads a couple of years ago in which the NHS told patients and relatives that it was important to get stroke victims to hospital as quickly as possible. You can forget that now.

The new advice is that patients who think they’ve had a heart attack or a stroke will be told to get in touch with their GP or a pharmacist.

Read that line again. And then, because you don’t believe me, check it out.

If you have a heart attack or a stroke you’re supposed to ring your GP and make an appointment for three weeks on Friday. Or drag yourself to the chemist and queue up for advice from a 16-year-old girl with O-level gymnastics and too much makeup.

Your GP will not, of course, visit you at home. The official advice is that GPs (who are now working a 26-hour week) are far too important to visit people at home. They have forms to fill in and sick notes and passport applications to sign. Besides, the medical establishment has decreed that global warming will be stopped much more readily if patients drive to the doctor’s surgery instead of the doctor driving to the patient’s home. (This is presumably because the patient who has had a heart attack or a stroke may have to travel on the bus whereas the GP would have to visit in the chauffeur driven 15 miles to the gallon Mercedes Benz S class which she bought with the loot she “earned” by instructing an NHS subsidised nurse to give a gazillion covid-19 jabs.)

And as far as I know, the 16-year-old girl at the chemist does not yet do home visits, unless she moonlights as a hairdresser or nail varnisher which is perfectly possible, of course.

So, all those poor sods who were jabbed, and who are, as a result, now massively at risk of having strokes or heart attacks are pretty well buggered, if you’ll pardon a bit of old-fashioned medical terminology.

When I heard this news, I was slightly alarmed. Since I am now over 18 and would be considered by some to be approaching the far boundaries of middle age, I am, although mercifully unvaxxed, at considerable risk of having a stroke or a heart attack.

I cannot tell you what to do, of course. There are bound to be laws against it. Indeed, I forcefully instruct you not to try the following at home. I’m serious.

But, in case you are interested, I take 75 mg of soluble aspirin every day. I believe the aspirin reduces my risk of having a heart attack or a stroke. I drop the soluble aspirin in a large glass of water to reduce the risk of the aspirin irritating my stomach lining. The tablets, which I purchase from the chemist, cost me less than sweets.

The well-informed will know that there are, of course, two sorts of stroke. One sort is caused by a clot. The other sort is caused by a bleed. The former is much more common. The aspirin may reduce the risk of the former and increase the risk of the latter. But the odds are in my favour and unless I drag myself to the garage, find my drill and hacksaw, and start making holes in my own skull I can’t do much about stopping a bleed so I’ll do something about the problem I might be able to deal with. To be honest, I am not sure whether all that is true for the vaxxed whom we must now regard as members of a different species.

And if I have a heart attack or a stroke, I’ve asked Antoinette to put 300 mg of aspirin under my tongue straight away. The aspirin is absorbed faster sublingually. And to then give me four soluble 300 mg tablets a day for at least a week and preferably longer.

So, that’s my plan. I have no doubt that the entire medical establishment will throw up its collective arms in horror. I don’t give a damn. They’ve abandoned me so why should I care what they think?

You must not take any notice of what I’m doing because Mr. Google says I am a discredited conspiracy theorist and not allowed to give advice on any subject whatsoever. Besides, you might be allergic to aspirin or be taking piles of prescribed junk which will combine with the aspirin to produce napalm or lobster bisque.

Instead, you must ring your GP and make an urgent appointment for three weeks on Friday or make your way to your local pharmacy where the 16-year-old girl with O-level gymnastics and too much makeup will tell you how to treat your heart attack or stroke.

Or maybe you need to do your own research, look at past medical histories and prescription drug usage and make informed decisions about how you can best treat yourself and your family members.

What a bloody country, eh? What a bloody health service.