New EU Strategy : ‘Customers To Come First’.

When Friedman declared that there was no such thing as a free lunch, people took note. In whatever way, he asserted, you would always end up paying for it, or at least someone would. What goes for free lunches applies equally to ‘free’ anything else, according to his theory, including as it turns out in a promising new industry starting up in the Czech Republic – free sex. What appears to be free, in this case sex, is not so, just like Friedman said.

For the details of the case that have sparked all the interest, look no further than the brothel in Prague which offers its clients ‘free’ sex as long as their every move is filmed and the footage of their performance sold on to voyeurs, who pay to watch.

It all seemed like a happy arrangement where there are no losers, and only gainers. That is until the EU started to look into the implications of how this form of commercial sex would impact on the economy.

If commercial sex is to become free, and this service replicated widely, then according to the EU’s calculations, the GDP of many countries will notionally fall, as local monetary transactions will decline. The selling and payment for watching the sex, on the other hand could be happening in many parts of the globe, and so the business turnover will be lost to the region where the sex is taking place. This, the EU has decided could become a problem.

They have decided accordingly to move into a protectionist stance to ensure that the takings from this entrepreneurial new business are not exported beyond the reach of their own tax authorities. Why should sex taking place in Prague be allowed to swell the coffers of the government in Beijing runs the argument, when the money is so badly needed at home, for example to fund the salaries of MEPs and their ahem ‘expenses’? If the money from commercial sex is not guarded and maintained, EU national governments, it is argued will eventually be forced to raise taxes on other less transferable services to replace the revenues lost from conventional prostitution.

To resolve the situation, the EU is now planning a Directive, either to ban free sex completely, or to limit the distribution of free sex footage to within the Euro area, to be called with typical complexity, the Euro Area Free Sex Directive. It will in effect be made illegal for anyone to have sex free without filming the actions, and providing copies to the Brussels bureaucracy. All footage must be given a Certificate of European Quality, before any of it is allowed on to the market. Those that set up free sex ‘studios’ with the intention of selling their output beyond Europe’s borders will simply not be licensed.

Most practitioners have already decided that these regulations will be so intrusive that they can no longer be ****ed.

The Russians are rubbing their hands as they believe the EU Directive will now leave them able to exploit this worldwide market opportunity, especially as the biggest market for voyeurism, Japan, has a strong preference for tall blondes. This, however is seen as racially divisive, and the EU is thinking of subsidising free sex studios to increase employment opportunities for short black ‘models’. President Barroso has given his support, saying that ‘this really goes against all the things that EU and regulation stand for’, but in this instance even he can ‘see that the customer has to come first’.

The Tap Blog is a collective of like-minded researchers and writers who’ve joined forces to distribute information and voice opinions avoided by the world’s media.

4 Responses to “New EU Strategy : ‘Customers To Come First’.”

  1. D’oh! You genuinely had me for a few minutes there.

    Happy April Fools’ Day to you too!

  2. tapestry says:

    Iain Dale got me with his. Far shorter too.

  3. Anonymous says:

    don’t give them ideas; they may do it.

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