Gordon Brown’s Dull As Ditch Water

Many Cameron critics on Conservative Home want Conservatives out there attacking Gordon Brown every day. Huntsman wants a full scale assault.

In the same way that it helps Cameron when people attack him, it gives Brown oxygen, energy, something to fight against. The one thing you need if you want to look like the man of the moment is someone to attack you. It makes you look powerful and significant to be attacked.

Brown loves a fight. It gives him a focus. Without a fight, he’s rudderless. His ‘moral compass’ starts spinning all over the place.

If you allow him a clean slate, to show what he truly is, it is actually quite shocking. He is objectively even duller to listen to than anyone believed. Huntsman would help Brown by giving him a verbal war. Don’t oblige him. He’ll prove his overwhelming dullness much better all by himself. All the time he was Chancellor, he was energised by his hatred of Blair. Now he has no one to hate. His cabinet meetings demonstrate the 100% sycophancy of his team, and their knowledge that it doesn’t pay to displease the Gord. He rules supreme. He has everything he ever wanted, and God it’s dull.

His programmes too are starting to match his personal dullness. No stylish gambling surrounded by high class hookers. It’s cloth cap down the bookies and the national lottery only. Drinking to be curtailed. Parking to be made a nightmare. His one claim to the voters’ confidence is that he will be competent. But we already know he’s a one trick pony. Money. Billions of it. From the taxpayer, which all gets wasted before it can do anything. In ten years he doubled the size of the state, and halved the amount people get from it.

We don’t need to provide him with cover by attacking too hard. Let Gordon Brown have the airwaves all to himself. The public will soon be so bored they’ll be crying out for someone with some life in them. Even Ming Campbell has started to look interesting. That’s the measure of Brown’s dullness. The phrase ‘dull as ditch water’ sums him up. Dullness is his primary defensive tactic. This week, for example, if he can only make floods seem boring, then people will think about something else, and not the fact that it was him personally, Gordon Brown that cut the spending on flood defences despite all the warnings, and no one else.

Don’t forget the quote – my enemy is my helper. It was never truer than for Gordon Brown. He cannot generate energy without an enemy to provide it. Deny him, Huntsman. Don’t feed. He’ll drown is his own dullness much quicker if he we go quiet. Cameron’s playing him just right.

The Tap Blog is a collective of like-minded researchers and writers who’ve joined forces to distribute information and voice opinions avoided by the world’s media.

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