“Truly striking.” “Tremendous.” “Extraordinary.” “Miraculous.” “A great day for science and humanity.” Those are just a few of the hyperbolic responses from government health officials and Big Pharma cheerleaders to preliminary COVID vaccine trial data released by Pfizer and Moderna this past week.

If it all sounds too good to be true, then congratulations: Your B.S. detector is fully charged and operational.

Mask flip-flop-flipper Dr. Anthony Fauci proclaimed on Monday that COVID-19 vaccines are “the light at the end of the tunnel.” Pffft. He has been promising a “light at the end of the tunnel” since April when Americans were told to endure lockdowns for just “15 days to stop the spread.” Now, seven months later, Fauci tells us that we won’t return to “relative normalcy” until April 2021 — only after face diaper-wrapped citizens “do what you’re told” and “we get most of the country vaccinated.”

Yikes. Ticketmaster, Tokyo Olympics organizers and the travel industry are now exploring vaccine status verification systems based on the public health industrial complex’s high, heavenly and hasty promises. Based on the press release write-ups of the uncompleted clinical trials, which have yet to be finalized or subjected to scientific peer review, Fauci assures us that “all the boxes have been checked” on vaccine safety and efficacy.

But what about these boxes:

—Big Pharma cannot tell you how long the alleged protection of COVID-19 vaccines will last.

—Big Pharma has zero data on young children’s response to their warp speed-produced jabs, even as schools across the globe prepare to mandate it as a condition of access to education.

—Big Pharma can’t tell you about the synergistic effects of the COVID-19 vaccine with other vaccines.

—Nor can Big Pharma tell you about the long-term side effects of its “miraculous” shots. (And don’t forget the astonishing fact that vaccine makers are immune from lawsuits by vaccine-injured Americans.)

Here’s what we do know: The Pfizer clinical trial enrolled 43,538 participants, of whom 94 (about two-tenths of 1%) were identified as having COVID-19. The Moderna clinical trial included more than 30,000 participants, of whom 95 (about three-tenths of 1%) were categorized as having COVID-19. In other words: The vaccine is being tested on people who are at incredibly low risk of COVID-19 — not only the vaccinated enrollees but also the unvaccinated.

When you read headlines touting the Pfizer jab as “more than 90 percent effective” and the Moderna jab as “94.5 percent effective” in protecting against the coronavirus, ask yourselves this: How did the vaccine trial officials define a positive COVID-19 case?

The BMJ author, associate editor Peter Doshi, pointed out that none of the trials underway “are designed to detect a reduction in any serious outcome such as hospital admissions, use of intensive care, or deaths. Nor are the vaccines being studied to determine whether they can interrupt transmission of the virus.” This is in stark contrast to how the trials have been marketed to the public as assessing the vaccine’s impact on preventing severe COVID-19 illness, hospitalizations and deaths.According to a highly critical article in the British Medical Journal, which reviewed the details of all the ongoing phase III COVID vaccine trials released to date, “laboratory confirmed infections even with only mild symptoms qualify as meeting the primary endpoint definition. In Pfizer and Moderna’s trials, for example, people with only a cough and positive laboratory test” qualify as COVID-19 positive cases. Astra Zeneca’s paused COVID-19 vaccine trial allowed a mere cough and fever with a positive PCR test to qualify as a positive case. Final efficacy analyses are planned after vaccine trial officials document a measly 150-160 “events” (positive indications of symptomatic COVID-19, regardless of illness severity).

Moderna’s own chief medical officer told the BMJ that the company’s trial lacks adequate statistical power to assess severe COVID-19 outcomes. That’s because hospital admissions and deaths from COVID-19 “are simply too uncommon in the population being studied for an effective vaccine to demonstrate statistically significant differences in a trial of 30,000 people. The same is true of its ability to save lives or prevent transmission: the trials are not designed to find out.” Bottom line: COVID-19 is too rare and too benign to permit analysis of exactly the kind of serious health outcomes that most Americans believe the vaccine will “cure.”

Vaccinating billions of people to prevent a disease with a 99% survival rate for people under 70 — all based on clinical trial efficacy analysis of less than 200 COVID-19 cases involving patients with coughs and unreliable PCR tests with significant false positive rates — is not the triumph of science. It’s corruption and it’s the tip of the iceberg.

In Part Two of this series, I’ll expose shocking revelations about the Moderna vaccine trials.

Michelle Malkin’s email address is MichelleMalkinInvestigates@protonmail.com. To find out more about Michelle Malkin and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.