How dare Lancashire County Council try to influence any fracking decisions. Camoron replies.

David CaMORON’s response to Lancashire County Council Leader, Jennifer Mein (see link below):

Dear Jennifer, thank you for your letter regarding the forthcoming Shale Gas Inquiry in Lancashire. I must confess to being somewhat amused that you seem to be under the rather quaint impression that the UK is still a Democracy. Indeed, if you haven’t already done so, I would suggest that you attend one of the lovely Julia Middleton’s outstanding ‘Common Purpose’ workshops; so that you may comprehend the way in which the Ruling Classes have been putting our kleptocracy in place …and you might also gain a proper understanding of the role you are expexted to fulfil as Council Leader. It is almost 38 years since Margaret started the process and it will be complete before 2020. As I am sure you are really aware, the outcome of the five week Cuadrilla inquiry is already determined. The purpose is simply to go through the motions of ‘Due Process’, thereby convincing the gullible plebs that there is an element of local participation and that we are prepared to take their input into account. The Inquiry was originally scheduled for three weeks but then Amber (Rudd) discovered that those irritable anti-fracking groups had access to rather more financial resources than we had forecast. Consequently, the extended pantomime is custom designed to not only deplete their Bank Accounts but also enable us to bring a few more tame academics into the fold by paying bloated appearance fees for them to present the ‘Research’ Amber, Andrea, Greg and the obnoxious Irishman have scripted for them. In conclusion, I readily acknowledge that you may be aware of everything outlined above and have simply written your letter to play your part in maintaining the old-fashioned perception of ‘Due Care’ for your Community. But if not, then hopefully this will set you straight and you now realise that your Council will be guaranteed absolute autonomy and independence … just so long as you make the right decisions. If Lancashire or any other Counsel steps out of line, we will bring the full force of ‘Democratic Process’ down upon your Community. You should have got the message when Amber gave the ‘Green Light’ to the Wyre Gas Caverns after your illustrious Council made the wrong decision in June! Of course, I would hate to think that the Fylde becomes another ‘Porter Ranch’ but it does provide an excellent bargaining chip! I do hope I have made myself clear and that you will now appreciate the humour behind the phrase ‘Northern Powerhouse’. Well, I must sign off now and I thank you for giving me this opportunity to set the record straight. By the way, I’m sure it goes without saying but if this private correspondence should find its way into the public domain, our special ops team will of course discredit you in a heartbeat. Yours most sincerely, David CaMORON

PS: I am delighted to see that Blakpool Council are doing bit to shut down future dissent by taking the advice of out ‘Scientific Advisor’ and adding fluoride to the milk distributed in local schools … An excellent initiative! smile emoticon

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The leader of Lancashire County Council has written to Government ministers urging them to let Lancashire decide its own fracking future.
The ‘spoof’ written by Ian Crane
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2 Responses to “How dare Lancashire County Council try to influence any fracking decisions. Camoron replies.”

  1. ian says:

    Spoof yes, but is exactly the truth.

  2. Lynn says:

    How shameful. They are playing us like fiddles now.

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